On Her Own
by justkillingtime
Summary: It is the experience you endure as a child that have lasting impacts on who you are as an adult. How did Erin Lindsay become the woman she is today? What events shaped who she is? Erin's back story fascinates me and this is my attempt at putting some of the pieces together.
1. One Phone Call

**A/N: Just testing the waters with an idea I've been playing with.**

* * *

**On Her Own**

Five year old Erin Lindsay wondered the streets of her neighbourhood alone. It was summer and the sun was just starting to set. It had been a hot day and all she wore was a cotton dress. Any responsible parent would have expected their five year old home hours ago but her mom wasn't the responsible type. She regularly left the house at dawn and didn't return until it was getting dark. She'd spend her days wondering the streets playing with the kids from the neighbourhood. Some kids thought she was lucky that she could play out as long as she wanted that she never had to check in or go home for lunch. But truth be told she wished her mom was more like the other moms. She wished she had a mom who cared enough about her to wonder where she was or worry about her when she didn't come home. She wished she had a mom who'd care if she was home for dinner but her mom never cared about those things, usually the only food in the house was cereal and sometimes milk. When she could she ate at her friends places but sometimes their moms would tell her to go home for lunch or tell her to leave because it was dinner time.

Today was one of those days, she'd been at her friend Millie's place all morning but they left just before lunch to go to a lake. They'd taken her with them once but she got into a fight with one of the other kids there and they never asked her back. She'd watched some big kids play baseball for a while, they let her eat some of their chips from McDonalds but now even they'd gone home for dinner. She reached her house and walked inside. The house was hot and smelt like stale beer and cigarettes but she no longer noticed the odour.

"Mom," she called looking around. Her little brother was sitting in the middle of the lounge room, staring at the television with a box of cereal in front of him, normally she'd find her mom there as well passed out on the sofa but today she wasn't there. "Mom," she called walking through the house and out the back door. Outside there were signs her mom had been there, the radio was still on and there were empty beer cans and used needles sitting around but no sign of her mom. She walked back inside, the slightest bit of worry starting to brew inside of her. She began searching the house one room at a time, she found her mom in the bathroom passed out on the floor. This wasn't the first time she'd found her mom passed out.

"Mom get up," she said kicking her legs, "Mom get up." It usually only took one kick to get her up, sometimes two, but this time she didn't move, she didn't stir. "Mom," she bent down next to her face and slapped her like she'd seen her Mom's boyfriends do sometimes, "Mom wake up," she slapped her again but she still didn't stir. That's when she realised something was wrong, more wrong then the general mess her home life was. She went back to the kitchen and picked up the phone. She dialled 911 just like the lady on the TV had told her to do when something was wrong.

"My mom won't wake up," she told the woman who answered the call and with that one phone call her life became completely disarrayed.


	2. Emergency Housing

An ambulance came and took her mom away, another ambulance took her brother away, a police car came and took her away. As they drove her away she wondered what she'd done wrong, the police only took really bad people away but when she asked them they just said she hadn't done anything wrong, that she was a good girl. She sat at the police station for what seemed like forever with a young police lady named Trudy. The lady brought her a sandwich and some cookies and asked her a bunch of questions about her mom and what she liked to do for fun. She didn't understand what was going on, why she was in trouble. She kept asking about her mom, all she wanted to do was see her mom.

Hours later a kind looking lady with grey pants and a purple cardigan came and got her. The lady said her name was Mary and she was from CPS. She didn't know what CPS was but she soon learnt to associate those three letters with dread and uncertainty. The lady took her back to her house and filled a bag with all her clothes, she let her pick one toy to take with her, then drove her to a new house where half a dozen other kids just like her lived.

It was late at night when they got to the house. The nice looking lady took her hand and led her along the path to the house. As they walked to the house she tried to tell her what was happening, "you're going to stay here for a few days okay," the lady said.

"No," she said, she didn't like the look of the place, "I want to go home."

"You can't go home sweetie," the lady said, bending down in front of her.

"Why?" she still didn't understand what was going on.

"Because your mom is sick, you can't go home until she's better,"

The front door opened before she could ask another question. Behind the door stood a large mean looking lady wearing a big dress with bright coloured patterns all over it.

"Who have you got for me Mary?" the woman asked while looking Erin up and down.

"This is Erin," the lady said, "Erin this is Mrs Brown. You're going to be stay with her for now."

The big lady led them inside, Mary said goodbye. Erin pulled her teddy bear closer to her chest and looked around. She was standing in a living room; there were a couple of sofas and a television playing a late night talk show. There was nothing special about the place; it just looked like any ordinary house.

"Come on," the woman said, "the other kids are asleep; you can meet them in the morning."

She led her down a hallway and into a small room with three bunk beds.

"This is your bed," she said pointing to the bottom bunk closest to the door. "Change into your pyjamas and go to sleep. We can talk more in the morning."

The woman put her bag down and went through it until she found some pyjamas; she pulled them out, handed them to her and stepped out the room. When she closed the door the room was almost pitch black, the only light came from a small night light between the beds. Quietly she changed her clothes and crawled under the covers, the sheets were soft, the bed was nice, nicer even then her bed, but it wasn't her bed. She pulled her teddy bear to her chest and began quietly sobbing. She didn't want to be in this strange place, she wanted to go home; she wanted her mom and her brother and her own bed.

"Hey new kid stop crying," another kid hissed from somewhere in the room. She opened her eyes and looked around; she hadn't even noticed the other kids when she'd come into the room but now she could see at least three of the other beds were occupied.

"Where are you?" she asked trying to see which bed was talking to her.

"Here," an older girl said sticking her hand out the covers of the bottom bunk opposite her. "You need to be quiet or Mrs Brown will hear. She doesn't like it when we make noise after lights out."

"I want to go home," she whispered to the girl.

"We all want to go home," the girl whispered back, "but we can't right now. Is this your first time here?"

"Yeah," she nodded, wondering how many times this girl had been there, "you've been here before?"

"Yeah," the girl nodded, "I've done this before, the first night is always the hardest."

"First night? How long do we have to stay here?"

"Depends," the older girl said sitting up in the bed, "Mrs Brown only keeps us a few days but it could be months before they let you go home. Now we need to go to sleep before Mrs Brown hears us talking." The older girl stood up and took the two steps across the room; she sat down on the edge of Erin's bed. "If I lay down with you will you stop crying?"

Erin shifted over in the bed and the older girl lay down beside her, she pulled her teddy bear closer to her chest and closed her eyes, softly the girl began stroking her hair and eventually she fell asleep.

She was woken early by the sound of Mrs Brown banging on the door.

"Get up and get dressed girls, breakfast is on the table," the woman yelled through the door.

The girls in the room seemed to jump to attention; they clambered out of their beds and began pulling clothes out of duffel bags around the room. There was the older girl from the night before and two girls who looked maybe seven and eight who appeared to be sisters. Erin sat up in bed and watched them move.

"Kid get dressed," the older girl told her, "where are your clothes?"

Erin pointed to her bag, and the girl grabbed it, opened it up and handed her a dress. The two sisters ran out the room but the older girl waited for her to change. "Come on," the girl said seeming to get impatient, "we want to get out before the boys or they'll eat all the good cereal."

She changed as quickly as she could then followed the girl out the room and down a hallway to the kitchen. There was a large dining table in the kitchen and sitting around it were three boys who looked about six, eight and ten, as well as the two girls from her room. On the table were three boxes of cereal, corn flakes, coco pops, and froot loops, and a gallon of milk. The big girl handed her a spoon and a bowl and Erin reached for the corn flakes, she'd never seen the other cereals before and wasn't sure she liked the look of them. As she ate she could feel the other kids staring at her, trying to size her up. A few minutes later Mrs Brown came back.

"Kids this is Erin," she said introducing her to the other kids, "Erin this is, Joel, Dylan, Kai, Sarah, Kate, and Becky." She pointed to each kid in turn then began talking to them as a group. "I want you kids to finish eating, clean up, and then go play in the backyard. It's too nice a day to be playing indoors, but don't let me catch you going over those fences again." She looked straight at the boys when she said that last part before turning to Becky, the older girl who'd been kind to her. "Becky, you need to go pack your bags, your case worker will be here in an hour to pick you up."

As the other kids finished their cereal they stacked their bowls in the dishwasher and ran outside to play but Erin followed Becky back to the bedroom.

"Where are you going?" she asked as she watched the girl gather up clothes and other bits and pieces and lay them on the bed.

"I don't know," the girl said folding a shirt, "a new house I guess."

"Why can't you stay here?" she asked, she was worried about losing the one person who'd been nice to her at this place.

"No one stays here kid," the girl said still folding clothes, "Mrs Brown's place is like a halfway place where they stick you until they can find you another place."

"Another place?"

"Yeah," the girl stopped folding clothes and sat down beside her. "This here is the system kid. You move from place to place until your parents can take care of you again. I've been doing this for three years now but only six months to go, then my mom gets out of prison and we can be together again."

"My dad's in prison," Erin said, she had vague memories of visiting him once.

"And your mom?" the girl asked her.

"I don't know, she wouldn't wake up so I called 911, they took her away in an ambulance and brought me here."

"Oh," the girl gave her a half smile and wrapped her arm around her, "that sucks. You might be here a while."

"How long?"

"I don't know, depends what's wrong with your mom, it might be a few days, it might be until you're eighteen."

"Eighteen?" Erin looked at the girl, her eyes wide that sounded like such a long time. This horrible situation just seemed to be getting worse.

"Don't worry, it probably won't be that long," the girl said giving Erin another smile. She stood up and shoved all the clothes she'd been folding into the bag. "Come on lets go outside."

Erin sat on the steps outside with Becky and watched the other kids play, the three boys were trying to play a game of basketball and the two girls were playing some game she couldn't follow. She was already worried about this older girl leaving, she was nice to her and seemed to be the only one willing to answer any of her questions.

"I don't want you to go," Erin said looking up at her.

"I have to," the girl said as she let out a long slow breath. "Okay kid, I like you so I'm going to let you in on some things. If you want to survive the system this is what you've got to remember, don't make friends, don't get attached to people because everything is only temporary. As soon as you think you like a place, the moment you let your guard down it'll be ripped out from under you. Don't rely on anyone but yourself, don't trust anyone and keep your feelings to yourself. The system can be a rough place and there are kids in it who'll pounce on you as soon as they see weakness. Don't let the other kids push you around just because they're bigger than you, stand up for yourself, be tough. And lastly if the adults tell you to do something do it, it's easier than picking a fight with them."

"Okay," Erin said feeling completely overwhelmed by what the girl had just told her. She wanted to ask her more questions but Mrs Brown came out and told her it was time to go.

"Take care kid," she said as she stood up and walked away leaving Erin completely alone again.

For the next four days kids came and went from the house. Sometimes the kids were nice and wanted to play with her but more often than not they were mean and nasty. She got into a fist fight with one boy who thought it would be a fun idea to steal her teddy bear, that landed them both in trouble but afterward they didn't mess with her. She didn't let herself become attached to any of the kids who came through and on day four it was finally her time to leave.

Mary, the nice woman from the first night came and collected her; she told her she was going to see her mom. At first that made her think she was going home, that her punishment was over but she quickly realised that wasn't the case. They didn't drive towards her home; they drove in the other direction and stopped at a strange looking building. Inside is wasn't quite a prison, but it wasn't quite a hospital either, years later she'd discover it was a rehab facility, but for now it was a strange scary, sterile looking place.

Her mom was going through withdrawal and her mood kept swinging from one extreme to another. At first she was so grateful to see her she hugged her so tight she thought she wouldn't be able to breathe but then she got mean and told her this was all her fault. That she needed to suck it up and deal with it because there wasn't any other option. By the end of the visit her mom was telling her she was going to get clean and get her back.

She only believed half of what her mom told her during that visit. She believed it was all her fault, but she didn't believe her mom would get clean, that was just asking too much. After the visit Mary drove her to the first of many houses she would live in over the next eighteen months.


	3. A new home

Arriving at her new home Erin was scared and nervous but trying her best not to show it. She knew this was all her fault; that she couldn't do anything to change it so there was no point in complaining but that didn't take the fear away. The house Mary took her too looked nice enough, she could hear kids playing in the backyard and the couple who answered the door looked nice and they smiled at her. Mary went with her as they showed her to her room. It was another room with bunk beds but it was bigger than Mrs Brown's rooms. There were toys in one corner and chests of draws she could put her clothes in. Mary helped her unpack her clothes into two of the draws.

"The Talbert's here a good people," she told her as she put the clothes away, "if you're a good girl you'll do okay here. Do you promise to be a good girl?"

"Yes," she nodded pulling her teddy bear close to her chest. Ever since the boy in the first house had tried to take it she hadn't let that bear out of her sight.

"Good girl," Mary smiled at her, "you're going to be okay. Come on."

Mary walked with her back to the living room where the Talbert's were waiting. The adults stood in a huddle and talked for a little bit then Mary said good bye and Erin was left alone with these strangers. They took her into the backyard and introduced her to the other kids. Erin was the fourth and youngest foster kid the Talbert's were taking on; they already had a girl who was ten and two boys who were seven as well as two teenage sons of their own living in the house.

The house wasn't nice though. The other kids didn't let her play with them and when they did it was only to do something mean to her. They invited her to play pirates with them and she became their prisoner, they tied her to a tree and told her she'd have to wait for someone to come rescue her but no one did. Mrs Talbert untied her when it was dinner time, when she asked her if she was okay she lied and said she was fine, she didn't want to cause trouble, she wanted to be a good girl.

Most of the time she played games with just her and her teddy bear, it was lonely playing by herself, she missed her old neighbourhood where she could just roam the streets and make friends with everyone. Here the only kids where the ones she lived with and she didn't like them. Weeks went by and she never once stopped wishing for her mom and her little brother, wishing she could go home. Mary never came to visit like she said she would, instead she was alone and isolated. When she was alone, when she was sure no one could hear she sometimes cried. She wished she'd never called 911, the lady on the television had lied to her, everything was ruined because of that one phone call.

The weather began to change; the older kids started talking about going back to school. Erin had never been to school, the other kids said that's because she was a baby. She fought back when they called a baby, she kicked and she punched, and they kicked her and punched her. No one tried to stop her and the boy going at each other, not until she started to get the upper hand, when she was on top, when she was laying in the punches suddenly the boy stopped hitting back and everyone went quiet. She heard someone scream her name and she looked up and saw Mr Talbert standing there looking very angry.

They all blamed the fight on her, she threw the first punch, it was all her doing. It didn't matter that they were mean to her that they were calling her names and pushing her about, she started the fight. She was made to sit in a corner of the living room facing the wall, they took her teddy bear away from her, they called Mary.

Mary came and visited her after the fight; she took her for a walk down the road to a park a couple of blocks from the house. She was so surprised to see there was a park with other kids she could play with so close to her house. She begged Mary to let her go play but she was in trouble she wasn't allowed to have fun.

"I'm very disappointed in you Erin," Mary told her, "you promised me you'd be a good girl."

"I was," she said not looking at Mary, "they started it."

"That's not what everyone else said. You shouldn't tell lies."

"I'm not. They were pushing me around so I pushed back. It's not my fault those stupid boys don't know how to fight."

"Erin," Mary reached out to touch her but she pushed her hand away.

"I don't like it there. I want to go home."

"You can't go home Erin, your mom's still sick."

"I don't care. I want to go home."

This time when Mary reached out to touch her, she didn't push her away. "The Talbert's are good people Erin, this is one of the good homes." She told her.

But she didn't want to hear any of that, "I want to go home," she said again.

"Erin look at me," Mary said trying to sound sympathetic but Erin could still hear the frustration and anger in her voice, "you don't have to go back to the Talbert's if you don't want to but if I take you away you're not going to go home. You'll go to a group home. Do you know what that is?"

"No," Erin said shaking her head.

"It's like a big house with lots and lots of kids in it." She began explaining, "They're not very nice and I really don't want to have to take you to one but if you won't go back to the Talbert's, if you can't promise to be good I'm going to have to take you there. Do you want to go there?"

"No," Erin said her voice sounding very small.

"I didn't think so," Mary said half smiling at her, "now can you promise me you'll be a good girl and we can go back."

"I promise," Erin said but she wasn't happy about it. She didn't want to go back but Mary had scared her into thinking the alternative was worse. Being back wasn't easy though, the boy she'd hit was angry he'd been beaten by a girl and wanted to get even with her. He pushed her around and she pushed him back, but only when the adults weren't around.

* * *

She was punished for fighting, the next four days she was made to play inside by herself in her bedroom. Playing by herself was okay, that's all she'd been doing since she arrived at the house but being stuck inside sucked. Then summer finished and school started. No one told her about school, whether it was on purpose or just a complete oversight she didn't know she was starting school, no one had bothered to tell her what school was like, what she should expect, how she should behave and no one had brought her the things she needed.

On her first day of school she was hustled out the house without breakfast because it wasn't until the last minute that anyone told her she needed to get ready to leave the house. She was supposed to walk to school with her foster siblings but they ran off ahead of her. She was able to walk just fast enough to keep them in her sight. She made it to the school but when she arrived she didn't know where she was supposed to go. There were so many people at the school; she'd never been in a place with so many people. It was overwhelming and a little bit scary.

She walked through the big double doors at the front of the school and into an almost empty classroom. There were rows of tables and chairs set up. On every table was some paper and coloured pencils. She sat down at a table and started drawing. Slowly the room began filling with other kids, one was her foster brother.

"You're not supposed to be here," he said stealing her paper.

"Give that back," she said standing and reaching for the paper.

"No," he said holding the paper up in the air and waving it, "it's not your paper, you don't belong here, get out."

"Give it," she yelled and she jumped at him. The tables they were standing near went flying. Within seconds there were kids standing around yelling and rooting them on. When the teacher arrived to find out what the commotion was.

"That's enough!" the teacher yelled, and the crowd of children split open.

Erin was on top, she was winning the fight, someone, an adult grabbed her by the back of her dress and pulled her up. As soon as she was off him the boy climbed to his feet and launched himself at her. He got in one good hit right against her nose before another adult pulled him back.

"Principal's office now," one of the adults demanded and before Erin could work out what was happening her and the boy were being marched down the corridor to the principal's office. Her eyes watered and tears ran down her face, she wiped them away with the back of her hand, wasn't crying she just couldn't help it, her nose hurt, blood was dripping from it but no one had noticed.

She was made to sit on a chair and told to wait. She knew she was in trouble, but she had no idea how much trouble. It was her first day at school, she hadn't even met her teacher and she was already sitting in front of the principal's office. Not that she knew the significance of that yet, she didn't know what a principal was. She waited for what seemed like forever, someone gave her some tissues for her bloody nose but that was all. Eventually the Talbert's arrived; they looked angry, they went into the principal's office and talked for a while.

No one ever asked her to explain herself, it didn't matter why they were fighting, the school had a zero tolerance for fighting. Her and the boy were both suspended, she didn't know what suspended meant but apparently it was bad. She was taken home and sent to her room. It was while she was there playing by herself that she decided to run away.

She packed her bag with some clothes and a warm jacket and a small blanket. She carried her teddy bear in her arms and she climbed out the window. She walked to the park Mary had taken her to and played there for a while. When she got bored she kept walking. No one asked her where she was going, adults went past her but no one thought to question why a little girl was walking the streets on her own with a bag almost too big for her to carry. She found some kids playing basketball and she sat and watched them for a bit, she drunk from their water bottles, and then kept walking. As night set in she began to feel hungry, she hadn't eaten all day but she didn't know what to do, instead she ignored the hunger pains and looked for a place to sleep. She crawled into a space under the grandstand at a baseball field. It was out of the wind and kind of warm, she curled up under the blanket she packed with her teddy clutched close to her chest and fell asleep.

She was gone for hours before anyone in the house realised she was missing, it took even longer for them to phone the police. It wasn't until the following morning that a police officer found her crawling out of the grandstand. In the time she was gone lots of decisions were made about her. The Talbert's said they wouldn't take her back, that she was too much trouble; Mary had already started looking for a new home for her. She waited at the police station with the officer who found her; they gave her cookies to eat and an orange juice to drink. They were nice to her, they didn't tell her off, they actually seemed relieved that she was okay. It was a different story when Mary arrived.

"I'm disappointed in you Erin," was the first thing she said to her. She wasn't interested in hearing her explanation she just drove her back to Mrs Brown's place and told her she needed to go find her a new home.


	4. Second chance

Eighteen months, that's how long it took for her mom to get clean and sober, during that time Erin moved between group homes and foster houses. The longest she stayed in one place was three months, that place was nice, most of them weren't, many places she was at only a few weeks or less. In that time she took everything the girl Becky had told her on the first day and embraced it, she learnt not to rely on anyone but herself, she learnt not to trust anyone and keep her feelings to herself. She learnt how to protect herself both physically and emotionally.

On the day they told her she would be going to live with her mom she didn't believe them. It was one week before Christmas and she'd seen them tell another kid the same thing last year only for the kid to be told the day they were supposed to leave that it wasn't happening. Expectations were a dangerous thing to have in this place and she'd learnt real fast not to get her hopes up about anything. She didn't believe it until it was happening, until she saw her mom clean and sober in front of her.

In those eighteen months her mom had changed. She looked happier and healthier and genuinely excited to be getting her back. On the train ride to the new house she wouldn't stop talking about all the things she'd got ready. The new house was in a nicer neighbourhood and they had a backyard which was big enough for a trampoline. She didn't have a trampoline but her mom said she was going to save up her money so they could get one. Her mom had a job waiting tables at a café during the day so she could pick her up from school in the afternoon. It all sounded fantastic but little Erin knew not to believe any of it.

Everything is only temporary, she thought as her mom showed her through the new house, it was small but nice, it smelt like cinnamon but that wasn't a sign her mom had been baking, it was just the new air freshener. Her bedroom had a bed, a desk and a chest of draws, the bed had new sheets, they were pink and purple and covered in stars but that was all that was in the room. She wondered where the toys she'd had at the old house went, most of them were broken but some had still been nice.

It wasn't until they made it back to the kitchen she realised she hadn't seen any sign of her little brother. "Where's Teddy?" she asked her mom, "is he coming back too?" She hadn't seen her brother since that night eighteen months ago, at first she'd worried about him but after a while all her energy was used taking care of herself.

"He's with his dad," her mom told her, "don't worry; I'll get him back too. Come on, I've got something special for us to do tonight."

Her mom made her wait in the lounge room while she dragged boxes out from the bedroom.

"What is this?" she asked staring at the boxes which now filled half the room.

"Open that one, you'll see," her mom said pointing to a long skinny box.

Erin stood up and walked over to the box, she opened it up and her mouth dropped. It was a Christmas tree; she'd never had a Christmas tree.

"Someone at work gave it to me," her mom said as a way of explanation, "they were going to get rid of it but it's still good, and they gave me all their old decorations too. I thought we could put it up together."

Erin smiled and began pulling pieces of tree out the box. For the next three hours, they put the tree up and then decorated it with lights and ornaments, they made jokes and the awkward tension between them dissolved. When they were finished her mom made hot coco and turned off all the big lights in the house. They sat together gazing at the twinkling lights on the tree and talked about the future. Her mom was so determined to be better this time, and Erin wanted it so much but she was scared of embracing it, scared of what would happen if it all fell apart again.

Christmas day was kind of great, her mom brought her some presents, a new doll and some marbles. It wasn't much but it was more than she'd ever got before. Her mom made pancakes for breakfast and after they went to a soup kitchen like place where they ate lunch and her mom helped out while she played with some other kids there. For her short life it was the best Christmas she'd ever had.

As the days went on it began to seem like her mom really did have her shit organized. They went shopping together and her mom brought her new clothes for school. There was food in the house and when she left one morning and was gone all day like she always use to, her mom yelled at her when she got back about not telling her where she was going. It was weird seeing her mom like that, behaving like a parent was supposed to.

After winter break she started at a new school, her fifth school in less than eighteen months. A fresh start her mom called it, a new school for a new life. She didn't mind the new school; she didn't really like her old ones. The kids at her old schools all knew she was in the system, that her mom was a junky who couldn't take care of her. She didn't know how they knew but in a few days they always worked it out and she got picked on constantly for it. She got into fights and for some reason she always got into trouble for it and not the other kids. At her new school she made up a story about who she was and where she'd been. She made friends with some nice kids and she began to learn. When she started at the school she was miles behind the other kids but by the end of the year she was sitting with the pack. Her mom managed to keep it together and for the first time in her life she had friends come and play at her house. As the end of the school year began to roll around she began to let herself think maybe this was going to be her life. On the last day of school her mom even surprised her with the new trampoline she'd promised and her little brother came to live with them again. It was the best surprise she'd ever had, but halfway through summer her mom got a new boyfriend and she began to slip.

He somehow convinced her that abstinence wasn't necessary, that she could have a drink sometime and still be 'sober'. He somehow convinced her that alcohol was okay, that her real problem was the drugs. He started bringing beer over and soon the smell of stale beer began permeating through the house. Erin stopped inviting friends over, she didn't want them to know what her home life was becoming, she didn't want someone to call CPS because as bad as things were getting it was still ten times better than the system.

Her mom's spiral was slow, for months she kept it together enough to maintain the facade, despite her drinking she held her job, she kept food in the house but Erin was already holding her breath, waiting for it all to crumble down around her.

* * *

**AN: Those of you reading, I'd love a 'review', they are much appreciated :-)**


	5. Chapter 5

Erin was glad when school finally started again, she was going into second grade and her little brother Teddy was starting kindergarten. They caught the school bus together in the morning and she walked her brother to class. If anyone wondered why this little boy was being walked to class by his seven year old sister and not his mom, no one said anything. When she caught up with her friends she made up a reason for why they hadn't seen her in weeks, she couldn't let them know what was really going on. So far it wasn't too bad, her mom still managed to pick them up after school, she still managed to hold her job, make dinner but every evening the beer would come out.

It continued for months like that, November came around and her mom started talking to her about her birthday. She was going to be eight on November 15th and her mom thought she should have a party; she'd never had a birthday party. In the system you were lucky if your birthday was acknowledged with a cake, Erin had had two birthdays in there and one cake. She told her mom she didn't want a party, but her mom's response was,

"What do you mean you don't want a party, every kid wants a party."

She didn't want to hurt her mom's feelings so she couldn't tell her the truth, she didn't want a party because she was embarrassed by her, she didn't want her friends to know how much her home life had changed over the summer.

"Well I don't. Please mom, I don't need a birthday party."

But her mom organised a party anyway. She talked to the other mom's after school while they waited for the kids to come down. Erin was always late down because she had to get Teddy. When she came down her mom and her friends and their moms had already planned her a sleepover party for two weekends away. She was so mad at her mom for doing that; it was like she couldn't see how dangerous she was making the situation. Then the situation got a whole lot worse.

Five days before the party her mom's boyfriend broke up with her and the carefully controlled two or three drinks a night turned into a binge session. The only dinner to be had that night was cereal and Erin put her brother and herself to bed early just so they could get away from their mom. In the morning they got ready for school by themselves and walked to the bus stop alone. Being alone at the bus stop was a big no no and the first red flag was raised. That afternoon her mom forgot to pick them up as well, she managed to talk a friend's mom into giving them a ride home; she half lied and said her mom was sick.

She told her mom she wanted to cancel the party, but her mom told her that was a ridiculous idea and for a moment pulled herself together. The day of the party her mom was sober when the guests arrived and the cinnamon air fresher had been plugged back in to mask the smell of beer. The party seemed to go okay at first, Erin and her friends played games in the living room, they had pancakes for dinner and watched some movies. Her mom behaved herself and seemed to act like a normal mom, they even had birthday cake and Erin let herself enjoy it. It was close to being a perfect party and then at ten o'clock at night there was a knock on the door. Her mom answered it and two of her old friends walked through the door, friends Erin hadn't seen in two and a half years.

Erin and her friends were sent up stairs to play in her room, they weren't allowed to watch the end of the movie. Instead they played more board games, and told gossip, but as the volume increased downstairs her friends became curious and insisted they play a game of spies and watch what her mom and friends were doing. Erin tried to tell them not to, she had a good idea what they were doing and she didn't want her friends to see, but her friends didn't seem to understand her desire not to play the game. They crept down the stairs and hid in the landing; they peeked their heads around the door and listened. They were drinking beer and her mom was raving about the man who had broken her heart.

"Your mom is funny," one of her friends said to her. Erin was mortified but it only got worse, the drinking was one thing but then one of the friends pulled out a bag of white powder. Erin knew what the powder was but her friends didn't, she told them it was flour, they believed her because they had no reason not to. Hidden by the landing they watched her mom and friends snort 'flour', her friends giggled, they thought it was weird and funny, but Erin's heart was racing inside her chest. She was relieved when the adults finally passed out, when the spectacle became boring and they could go back to her room.

"Your mom and her friends are so funny," her friends laughed, they had no idea what they'd just been watching.

"Please don't tell anyone, what you saw," Erin told them, "not your parents, not anyone."

"Why?" one of her friends asked, "they were so silly."

"Just don't please," she asked again. She couldn't tell them why, without telling what it was they'd seen and she didn't want them to know that either.

"Whatever," her friend shrugged and suddenly they'd all had enough of playing and all wanted to go to sleep.

In the morning the adults were still passed out in the living room, Erin made sure they were all playing out front when her friends' parents came by to pick them up. When the parents asked where her mom was she told them she was still sleeping and wasn't feeling well. It was only half a lie, she was still sleeping and she wouldn't be feeling well, but it wasn't a bug she had, it was completely self-inflicted.

For the rest of the weekend she worried about her friends telling their parents what they'd seen. On Monday morning they said they hadn't but, one of them was lying, that afternoon she was pulled out of class and she found herself in a meeting with the principal. She denied everything, she said they were making it all up, but she could tell they didn't believe her. Eventually they let her go back to class, she was so angry and frustrated at her friends, but when they asked her what the meeting was about she didn't tell them, it was embarrassing. Instead she kept her head down and when school finished she went straight to get her brother, as they walked toward the front of the school she scanned the crowd for her mom, when she couldn't see her there she took her brother's hand and they walked out the front of the school together.

It took ninety minutes for them to walk home together, cars drove past them on the streets but no one stopped, no one said anything to them. Teddy started complaining that his feet were getting sore so she tried to give him a piggy back but she couldn't carry him long. When they finally made it home there was a police car out the front of the house. Her mom had woken up an hour after school had finished and freaked out when she'd phoned the school and realised they weren't there. She was pulling her hair out on the front porch, not knowing what to do, it was their neighbour who'd called the police. The neighbour meant well with the phone call, they had no idea what the family's history was, but Erin was scared, this incident was the next red flag.

Her mom greeted them both with hugs and kisses, in front of everyone they appeared to be normal, the police left, case closed, but behind closed doors things got messy.

"What were you thinking?" her mom yelled at her.

"You weren't there to pick us up," Erin yelled back, "If we'd stayed at the school they would have asked more questions. Why'd you call the police?"

"I didn't, the neighbour did," her mom yelled, "what do you mean more questions?"

"Questions about us," Erin looked at her mom and glared, "the principal was asking questions at school today about us and what it's like here. What you did this weekend, my friends saw you drinking and taking the drugs, one of them told their parents."

The look on her mom's face changed from anger to fear, "which friend?"

"I don't know," Erin said back, "It doesn't matter, they're going to call CPS, they're going to take us away again."

Her mom looked around the room and gulped, she finally saw what the house had become, there were beer bottles lying around and the remnants of drugs. She stopped yelling and began frantically cleaning.

Erin took her brother's hand and they went upstairs, she pulled down bags for both of them and began packing. Last time CPS came it took her off guard, she lost a lot of her things that night, she wasn't going to lose them again. When their CPS casework arrived, she was ready to go, she listened as her mom begged them not to take her children that it was all just a big misunderstanding but the woman wasn't interested in hearing it. She said if that was the case it would be sorted out in a few days and the kids would be brought back but in the meantime the kids had to go. She heard her mom scream and cry as they were walked out the door, but Erin didn't cry, she was too pissed off to cry, instead she just gripped her brothers hand and hopped they wouldn't be separated.


	6. Chapter 6

They were put in the same emergency accommodation, the next day they missed school because there was no one to take them and then the following day Teddy left. She was only given a few minutes to say goodbye to him, they said he was going to stay with his dad, he changed schools and she didn't see him again for a long time.

She finally got someone to take her to school on Thursday, she was told to say her goodbyes; that she'd be starting at a new school on Monday, a school near the long term housing she was being placed in. When she arrived at school she was angry and upset, she confronted her so called friends and asked them who told their mom about the 'flour', her friend Sally finally admitted to it, she was still completely oblivious to the implications of her tattling.

"I told my mom," Sally said smiling, "what's the big deal? They were just being silly."

"The big deal?" Erin looked at her friend and drew back her fist, "you've ruined everything," she screamed and she began hitting her friend. With every punch she screamed that it was her fault, and tears began running down her face. If her friends and a teacher hadn't stopped her she would have caused serious damage to her friend but they stopped her when all she had was a bloody lip. She screamed and kicked as the teacher pulled her away, he held her in a tight bear hug until the fight went out of her and she folded into his arms and started sobbing uncontrollably.

The teacher made her friends take Sally to the school nurse; he made the rest of the kids standing around go away. When it was just the two of them he slowly let go of her, shifted so that he sat beside her.

"Why did you hit your friend Erin?" the teacher asked. She didn't answer; she wiped the tears away from her eyes and pulled her legs to her chest. "Erin, why?" the teacher asked again, "I know you're a good kid, that's not like you."

"You don't know me," she said wrapping her arms around her legs.

"Sure I do," the teacher smiled, "I've seen you girls on the playground that's not like you. What happened?"

It was like pulling teeth but eventually Erin told the teacher everything. She told him what happened at the party, what her friends saw, what her mom did and what was happening now. She told him about Teddy going to stay with his dad and her not knowing when she'd see him again, she told him about having to change schools again. She didn't cry this time, she was embarrassed about crying before but she did get angry and vented about injustice and how unfair it was. She wished her mom was normal, that she could have a normal family like her friends. The teacher was kind to her and sympathetic, he offered to see if he could help, he didn't want her to change school either but he didn't make any promises. She didn't think it would do any good but she appreciated the thought.

When they were done talking, when she'd calmed down, he walked her to the principal's office. He made her wait outside while he went and talked to the principal. The chair outside the principal's office wasn't an unusual place for her to sit, at her other schools she'd been there a lot but this was her first time at this school. Sally and her other friends came out of the nurses room while she was waiting, her other friends went back to class but Sally sat next to her.

"What did I do? Why did you hit me?" Sally asked.

"Nothing," Erin said, she didn't really want to talk about it, she was already wishing she could pretend it never happened.

"What's going on then? We're best friends you can tell me anything." Sally said sliding closer to her, "I'm not mad at you."

"I have to change schools on Monday," Erin said telling her friend part of the problem, "I don't want to change schools."

"Why?" Sally asked before beginning to answer her own question, "Is this because of the party, of what we saw your mom doing?"

"Yeah," Erin replied, she wasn't sure how much she should tell Sally, she'd never talked to her friends about the system, they were normal, they wouldn't understand. "I have to go live with some other people and they don't live near the school."

"Who?" Sally said, asking another question.

"I don't know," Erin began, "some other family, I don't know who they are, I don't even know where I'm going."

"That's silly," Sally smiled at her, "you could come stay with me, I'm sure my mom wouldn't mind. It would be fun; it would be like a big long sleepover."

"It doesn't work like that," Erin said, she didn't even want to entertain the idea of staying with her friend; something like that happening would just be too good. "You should go back to class,"

"They told me to wait here," Sally said smiling, then she slid closer on the chair, "It's going to be okay," she told Erin and she wrapped an arm around her in a hug. Erin tried to smile, it felt good to have someone hug her; hold her in a way that wasn't creepy or weird.

When the principal and the teacher finally came out of the office it looked like they'd had a good talk.

"I see you girls have made up," the principal said smiling at them.

"Yeah," Sally said with a smile, Erin just nodded.

"Good," the principal smiled, "Mr Baker here has filled me in on what happened and seeing as this is the first time either of you have gotten into trouble I'm going to let you both off with a warning. If I catch you fighting again there will be further consequences. Do you understand?"

"Yes," they both said nodding.

"Good, now I want you both to go back to class."

Erin walked back to class with her friend beside her, she felt ashamed and embarrassed about what she'd done but Sally said not to worry about it, she'd take care of it if anyone gave her a hard time. No one gave her a hard time though, everything was kind of normal but on Friday she packed all her books into her bag and said goodbye to her friends. They told her to phone them when she got to where she was going, they still wanted to be her friend and stay in touch but she didn't think she'd see or hear from them ever again.

The following week she spent her forth Thanksgiving in care. The people she was staying with were nice enough, they tried to make the day special but it wasn't easy and it didn't really work. She missed her mom and she missed her brother. The new school she was at was okay, it wasn't as nice as her old one but she'd been to worse. She kept to herself and tried not to make friends. 'Everything is temporary' she kept telling herself, she didn't want to allow herself to think this house was going to be a long term thing, but as the weeks began to tick by she began to think maybe it was. There was another girl in the house who said she'd been there a year, 'this is one of the good houses' she told her multiple times. But two days before Christmas it all changed again.

She was told to pack her bags; that she was leaving, going to a new home. It surprised her more than anything and made her upset, she was just starting to like the house she was in but there was no negotiating. She said goodbye to the people she lived with, they didn't bother exchanging names or phone numbers, they didn't have that kind of relationship.

As they drove through the suburbs Erin watched the houses go by, after a while she began to notice they looked familiar, this was her old neighbourhood, the car stopped in front of a nice house. Before she could even climb out the car the front door to the house opened. Erin's mouth dropped as she saw her friend Sally running towards her.

She looked over at her case officer, the woman driving the car.

"I'm living here?" she asked, disbelief coming through in her voice.

"Yes," the woman smiled at her, "didn't anyone tell you?"

"No," Erin said shaking her head, "no one ever tells me anything."

Sally made it to the car and tapped on the window. Slowly Erin opened the door and stepped out the car, she could feel her heart thumping in her chest, this was the last thing she was expecting and she didn't know if she should be happy or scared.

"Come on Erin," Sally said, grabbing her hand and pulling her along, "Mom says you're going to stay with us until your mom gets better. She says you can sleep in the spear bedroom but I think you should sleep in my room, it's going to be like a long sleepover."

"Yeah," Erin smiled, she wanted to be as excited as Sally but she already knew this wasn't going to be like a big sleepover.

Sally dragged Erin inside and straight up the stairs to the bedrooms.

"This is the spear bedroom," Sally said opening the first door they came to. The room was plain, generic, all it had in it was a double bed, a wardrobe, and a dresser with a mirror on top of it, it was decorated in shades of blue and grey and looked cold and uninviting. Erin took a step inside to look around, she realised Sally was showing her the room because it could be hers if she wanted. "It's kind of dungy isn't it," Sally smiled, "my room is so much better, come see."

Erin followed Sally down the hall to the next door. On the front of the door in pink sparkly letters it said 'sally's room'. Sally pushed open the door and stepped inside, Erin followed.

"See isn't it great," Sally smiled.

Erin nodded as she took in the perfectness of her friend's bedroom. The walls were painted a shade of pale pink, and the room was big. There were two single beds with matching pink quilts, covered in flowers and butterflies. There was a dolls house in one corner and more toys than Erin had seen in her entire life.

"This is my bed," Sally said climbing on one of the beds, "you can sleep on my spear bed."

Erin walked over to the other bed and sat down. Sally jumped off the bed and ran over to the corner with the toys; she began pulling out dolls, and books and games. She wanted to show Erin everything but Erin was too overwhelmed to do anything more then, nod and smile and give one word answers. She felt relieved when the adults finally called them to come down stairs.

The five of them sat around the kitchen table, Erin, Sally, Sally's mom and dad, and Erin's case worker. They each had a glass of milk and cookies, it was supposed to make the 'meeting' casual but it didn't feel casual. One by one, Sally's parents laid out the rules of the house, Sally moaned and groaned at a few of them but Erin just nodded and smiled 'yes miss, no miss'. She was used to house rules, she liked them because they gave her structure and boundaries, she knew where she stood when there were rules, the good houses always had rules.

Sally didn't like the rules, as soon as they were allowed to leave they went back to her room and the first thing she wanted to do was workout how to break them.

"Rules and stupid," Sally said, "we've never had rules before."

"Yeah," Erin said but Sally's comment already made her nervous. The rules were for her benefit, they were there because she was there. She didn't say so but she figured before she was there the rules were always implied, they weren't spelt out because they didn't need to be but now that they were out all Sally wanted to do was break them.

It didn't take long for cracks in the household to begin to form. Sally was her friend but spending time with her twenty four seven was exhausting. Erin was used to spending time by herself, or with her brother, together they were quiet, they didn't have many toys to play with so they spent hours sitting watching television over winter, or using their imaginations to make games outside out of nothing over summer.

Sally had so many toys, she kept jumping from one idea to another, Erin couldn't keep up and then Christmas day happened. Sally had been going, on and on the night before about Santa, and what Santa was going to bring, she had a massive long list of toys and games and things that she'd asked Santa for and that she was convinced Santa was going to bring. Erin would only shrug and say she didn't know, when Sally would ask her what she wanted Santa to bring. Erin knew Santa wasn't real; her mom had made that one clear to her as soon as she was old enough to ask the question, Santa never came, most years she was lucky to even get a present from her mom. She didn't want to ruin her friend's excitement about Christmas though so she kept her mouth shut and didn't say anything. A part of her liked watching the innocence and excitement her friend expressed, but by Christmas evening she'd had enough.


	7. Chapter 7

Christmas morning, Sally woke Erin up at the crack of dawn and dragged her down the stairs to see what Santa had left. Erin's mouth dropped when they reached the room with the Christmas tree, the number of presents which had materialised under the tree overnight was astounding, she'd never seen so much extravagance. Sally went straight to the presents and began looking at the labels, everyone was labelled

_To Sally,_

_Love Mom and Dad_

"These are all from Mom and Dad," Sally began to moan, "where are the ones from Santa?"

Erin hadn't moved towards the presents yet, she was standing back watching her friend. She didn't know what to make of the presents and she didn't think any of them would be for her. Then she saw the two matching boxes just a little off to the side, without saying anything she walked towards them and turned over the label. The first one read

_To Erin,_

_From Santa_

She felt her heart almost skip a beat and a warm feeling come over her, for the briefest of seconds she let herself think maybe Santa was real but then common sense struck her and she looked up. Sally's parents had come into the room and were standing there watching them, they gave Erin a smile and a knowing nod.

"I've found them," Erin said, and Sally spun around and ran towards her.

They had one box each wrapped in matching paper; Sally ripped hers open fast without even a second thought but Erin opened hers slowly and carefully. The wrapping paper was in itself beautiful and she wanted to keep it, she also wanted to savour the moment, she knew there wouldn't be many presents for her to open, this one from Santa might be it, it was already one more than she was expecting.

When the paper was off the box she folded it carefully, everyone was watching her now, she could feel Sally getting impatient beside her, she wanted to know what she had but Erin was enjoying the anticipation. She lifted the lid to the box and looked inside. A bigger smile spread over her face; inside the box was a ragdoll which had been finished with light brown hair and hazel eyes, it wore a pair of blue jeans and a yellow top which had her name 'Erin' embroidered over the left breast.

"Thank you," she said looking up at Sally's mom and dad, "she's wonderful."

"What are you thanking them for?" Sally said breaking the moment, "Santa's the one who made it. Look I got one too, mine has blonde hair and says Sally. Where are the rest of the presents from Santa?"

"That's all Santa brought this year," Sally's mom said stepping forward, "let's go get some breakfast and then we can open the rest."

Erin stood up, holding her doll under her arm but Sally looked perturbed and confused. "That's all?" she asked looking up at her mom, "all he brought was this doll? What about all the other stuff I asked him for?"

"You've got a lot of presents to open still," Sally's mom said, stepping forward to her daughter, "maybe me and dad brought some of those things for you?"

"But I wanted Santa to bring them," Sally said pouting; she stood up and began to walk to the kitchen, leaving her doll behind on the sofa.

Sally's bad mood still hadn't dampened Erin's, she'd thought Christmas this year would be horrible, she missed her mom and brother like crazy but this was okay. Sally's parents were doing what they could to make her feel included. She sat at the breakfast bar and watched as they made pancakes and bacon and eggs and French toast, they seemed to dance around each other in a perfectly choreographed routine. They knew where the other was without saying anything and even when they did bump into each other they would laugh and give the other a small kiss. Sally would always go 'eww' when they did that but it made Erin smile; this was the first time she'd ever been in a home with two parents who loved each other. It was fascinating to watch what a 'normal' family was like.

After breakfast they went back to the living room to open the rest of the presents. Erin sat back and watched as Sally opened box after box. She didn't mind watching, she wasn't expecting presents but the extravagance of the presents Sally received still made her jaw drop. Even though she could see all the presents sitting there she still couldn't believe they were all there. Sally didn't think it was anything unusual, in fact her attitude made it feel like she was expecting more. Erin wasn't expecting any more presents but she was given two. The first one was a pair of new fleecy pyjamas and slippers; the second one was a note book with a set of coloured pens. Both presents she opened slowly and smiled from ear to ear when she saw what she'd been given. It wasn't the best Christmas she'd ever had, that went to the Christmas the year before which she'd spent with her mom but this one was shaping up to be pretty good.

After the presents were open, Sally and Erin went off to play while the adults got everything ready for lunch they were having with the extended family. Sally still kept going on about the lack of presents from Santa, Erin didn't really see what the problem was but she didn't want to start a fight with her friend so she just nodded and smiled.

For lunch Sally's grandma and grandpa came, and her aunts and uncles, they were the only kids but Erin didn't mind, she liked watching and seeing the adults behave in a normal way, there was a bit of drinking, they were being very silly but it was still normal. They even gave her more presents, new clothes and games, only small things but still more then she was expecting. After desert they were sent off upstairs to play, they were playing games with their new dolls and some of the other toys Sally had been given.

"Why do you think Santa only brought us one present?" Sally asked out of nowhere.

"I don't know," Erin said, that's what she'd been saying all day, every single time Sally brought it up, she was getting sick of hearing her talk about it. "Does it really matter you got lots of presents from your parents."

"I mean I've been good this year," Sally kept continuing to say, "and I usually get lots of presents from Santa but this year I only got one. How many does he usually give you?"

"None," Erin said, knowing telling the truth was going to cause a problem.

"None?" Sally asked looking at her confused, "how can Santa not give you any presents? I didn't think you were that naughty."

"I'm not," Erin said getting defensive, "but presents cost money and my family doesn't have any."

"You don't buy presents from Santa," Sally said as if that was the stupidest suggestion she'd ever heard, "he makes them and then he gives them to you."

"No he doesn't," Erin said, she could feel herself starting to get angry and upset.

"Yeah he does," Sally bit back, "he just doesn't bring them to you because you're bad, and your mom does bad things."

"I am not," Erin yelled, she could feel tears begin to well up in her eyes.

"Yes you are," Sally yelled back, "it's all your fault, you're the reason Santa didn't leave me more presents."

Erin tried to calm herself, Sally had half the truth there, she'd been thinking about it all day, she knew why Sally's parents had done things the way they had. Sally had so many presents from her parents, she figured some of them were meant to be from Santa but they only had two presents for her. They'd done it the way they had so they'd both get the same thing from Santa.

"You got lots of presents," Erin said trying to steady herself, she didn't want to start crying but she was so close to losing it, "does it matter if they were from your parents or Santa."

"Yes," Sally said still sounding mad, "I wanted more."

"More?" Erin said feeling her heart ache, "you were never going to get any more. Santa isn't real, it's all just your parents."

"He is so," Sally yelled but Erin saw the flicker of doubt cross her eyes, "you're lying!"

"I am not," Erin yelled back.

"Yeah you are," Sally yelled, "you're a big fat liar and it's all your fault." Tears started streaming down Sally's face then, "I want you to go home, I wish you'd never come here."

For a moment they just stood there staring each other down, Erin could feel herself shaking all over, then she ran out the room, ran down the stairs and straight out the front door. She ran down the road, tears streaming down her face, she didn't know where she was going, she wanted to run home but she didn't have a home to run to, instead she took turns at random, until she couldn't run anymore.

She stopped on the footpath and looked around, she didn't know where she was, how far she'd run. It started to rain and she began to shiver, she'd left the house without her jacket and she could feel the temperature begin to drop. She began walking along the street looking for somewhere she could go, somewhere to get out of the rain, eventually she came to a playground, there was a helicopter in it, a toy one you could play inside of. She ran to the helicopter and climbed inside, it wasn't completely dry, the wind was blowing rain in through the windows but it was better. She huddled in the farthest corner and pulled her knees to her chest, then she began to quietly sob and shiver. She wanted her mom, she wanted someone to hold her and tell her they loved her, her mom was never good at that, she'd only done it once or twice but the memories stuck.


	8. Chapter 8

The adults heard the running down the stairs and the front door slam, they didn't immediately think anything of it, they figured the girls had gone outside to play, they didn't think they would be out there long, it was cold and then the rain started coming down. Sally's dad got up to tell them to come inside, when he reached the front door the first thing he saw were their jackets hanging on the hooks. He opened the door and had a quick look around but he couldn't see them.

"They're not outside," he said coming back to the table. For another minute they all sat there and tried to keep talking but they all knew they'd heard the door open and close.

"I'm just going to check on the girls," Sally's mom said standing. She walked up the stairs and opened the door to Sally's bedroom. Sally was curled up on her bed crying but Erin was nowhere to be seen.

"Sally what's wrong?" her mom asked as she sat beside her.

"Erin said Santa isn't real," Sally said looking up at her mom.

"Oh Sally, come here," her mom held her arms out and Sally crawled into them, for a moment they sat there embracing but then her mom started looking around. "Sally where is Erin?" she asked.

"I don't know," Sally half whimpered, "I told her to go home and she left."

"You said what?" her mom asked, as a bad feeling began to build inside of her.

"I told her to go home; I don't want her to stay here anymore."

The wind picked up and dumped a massive chunk of rain; it pounded hard against the roof. Sally's mom's insides twisted, as she realised Erin was outside somewhere in the storm.

"I want you to stay in your room," she said to Sally as she stood up, "Grandma is going to come up and see you soon." She walked out the room and quickly down the stairs; she didn't want to raise the alarm until she was sure her daughter wouldn't hear.

She reached the living room where the adults were sitting. "The girls had a fight," she began, "Erin's ran away."

That one sentence was all it took for panic to cross every adult face, outside the wind was howling and the rain had stopped, it was beginning to snow, and outside in that somewhere was a scared, confused, eight year old girl, they were supposed to be looking after.

It only took a minute for them to mobilise, to work out what they were going to do. Grandma went upstairs to occupy Sally, to shield her from what was happening. Mom decided to stay home and began getting wood together to light the fire and get it burning very hot, when Erin came back whether on her own or with family she was going to need somewhere to warm up. Everyone else rugged up and left the house, they began combing the streets on foot and by car calling Erin's name. They agreed to meet back at the house in thirty minutes, if they hadn't found her by then they'd call the police but for now they really hoped they wouldn't have to do that.

Erin wasn't sure how long she'd been outside for, she'd started to lose all concept of time when the chill had set in, she'd been shivering violently but now she was too cold to even do that. She could feel her arms and legs going numb, her hands wouldn't move properly and she was starting to feel incredibly tired. She lay down and closed her eyes, she listened to the storm blowing around her and she began to fall asleep.

"Erin!" Sally's Dad called as he walked down the street, he was moving as quickly as he dared, he knew time was of the essence, he needed to cover as much ground as he could but it wouldn't do any good if he walked past her. He scanned the back yards looking for signs of a child hiding but he hadn't found any. He was worried for Erin's safety, he could feel the temperature continuing to drop, the rain had stopped and it had turned to snow. "Erin!" he yelled again, he'd walked close to a mile, he was going to have to turn around soon, so far he hadn't seen any sign of the girl but he wasn't sure she'd leave a trail, he reached a playground he sometimes took Sally to, its centre piece was a helicopter the kids could play inside.

"Erin!"

Erin opened her eyes, she thought she could hear someone calling her name but she wasn't sure if it was real or part of a dream.

"Erin!"

That time she defiantly heard her name, someone was looking for her, no one had ever gone looking for her before. Slowly she sat up, her body was stiff and cold and it hurt to move. She could hear footsteps coming towards her and her name getting louder and then Sally's dad was standing at the entrance to the helicopter.

"Erin," he said reaching out for her, "thank god I've found you. Come here, are you okay?"

She tried to stand but her legs buckled beneath her and she fell down, she crawled towards him and then the next thing she knew he was lifting her down and standing her on the ground. He took off his jacket and wrapped it around her.

"Can you walk?" he asked her. She tried to take a step forward but she stumbled. He caught her before she fell, "I guess not," he said and then he was lifting her up and cradling her in his arms. "I can carry you. It's going to be okay, I'm going to get you home, and we'll get you warmed up."

She didn't say anything; she just rested her head against his chest and closed her eyes. She could feel the heat from his body beginning to warm her, the chill in her body was lifting slightly. It felt good to have someone hold her; she couldn't remember the last time someone had done that. She fell asleep on the walk back, the next thing she knew she was being laid on the ground in front of the fire and the adults were talking all around her in hushed worried voices. She couldn't hear the words they were saying just the tone of their voices.

Then the next thing she knew Sally's mom was beside her and making her sit up. "Come on Erin," she was saying, "I need you to sit up so we can get these wet clothes off you and into something dry." With a bit of assistance she managed to sit up, her body was stiff and wouldn't move how she wanted. She helped as Sally's mom undressed her, in normal circumstances she never would have allowed that to happen but right now she was too cold and tried to object. She took her wet clothes off and put on her new pyjamas; then she wrapped her in a blanket and pulled her on to her lap. She wrapped her arms around her and held her tight against her chest.

"You're going to be okay," she started whispering to her, "we're going to get you warmed up, get you some hot coco. It's going to be okay."

Erin still didn't say anything, she didn't know what she was supposed to say, was she supposed to say thank you, was she supposed to say sorry. She knew she shouldn't have run away, this was all her fault but the amount of compassion being shown to her was unexpected and confusing. She liked being held, to be sitting so close to someone she could hear their heart beat, she liked feeling her body begin to warm, everywhere tingled like she had pins and needles but it felt nice. She fell asleep again and was woken up to someone giving her a cup of hot coco and telling her to drink it. She drunk the warm milky drink carefully and slowly she began to look around and digest her surroundings.

All of the guests had gone, it was just and her and Sally's mom in the living room, the fire was burning hotter and bigger than she'd ever seen it. She heard footsteps coming down the stairs and then Sally and her dad came into the room.

"Is Erin okay?" she heard Sally ask her dad.

"She will be," she heard Dad reply; "she just needs to get warm."

"Good," she heard Sally say and then she was sitting on the ground beside her.

"I'm sorry I told you to leave," Sally told her, "I didn't really mean it. I like you being here."

Erin took a sip of her drink and smiled. "I'm sorry I ran away," she said, saying her first words since being found.

"It's okay," Sally's mum said giving her a squeeze, "I'm just glad we found you."

The rest of the evening mellowed into them watching a Christmas movie together. Erin fell asleep during it and when she woke up it was morning and she was tucked into the big double bed in her room and Sally's mom was lying beside her.

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**AN: I'd love to get a few more reviews for this and hear your thoughts, so please consider leaving one. I write for myself but I post because I like hearing others reactions. Thank you to the few people who have left reviews in the past.**


	9. Chapter 9

**AN: Thanks for the reviews on the last chapter, much appreciated. For you here is some more.**

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The rest of the holiday break went by uneventfully; the day after Christmas the family sat down and had a good long talk about the events of the night before. Both of the girls were feeling pretty bad about what happened, and for Sally and her parents the realisation and implications of taking Erin in were beginning to hit home hard. They'd made the mistake of thinking it would be easy but taking in a troubled young girl was never going to be easy.

They set up the spear bedroom properly so that Erin could have a space of her own, that truly felt like her own and not like she was intruding on someone else. They decided it would be better if she slept there most nights and they began to set rules around personal space and communication. Erin told Sally a bit more about her life, about what was wrong with her mom and why she couldn't live with her right now, she made her promise not to tell the other kids at school but promises were made to be broken.

Going back to her old school was weird, in ways it was like she'd never left but in others it felt like she was never there in the first place. She slipped back into her old group of friends, but girls tell secrets and gossip and she never felt quite comfortable with them like she had before. She drifted between groups as she tried to catch up on the weeks of classes she'd missed. Some days were hard but the teachers were nice, they tried to help her as much as they could and sometimes she found herself staying back at lunch and recess just so she could do more work.

Sally's parents were nice to her, she could tell they cared about her but their place never felt like home, it was just a place she would go to sleep, they were just the adults who were taking care of her for now. Her and Sally began to fight like sisters pretty quickly, doors slamming and tears being shed wasn't uncommon, some days that made things hard at school. This family was still the best foster family she'd had, but it still wasn't her family, she missed her mom and her brother dreadfully, even though her mom was kind of shitty at times she was still her mom.

The times during the week when she got to see her mom she looked forward to more than anything else, sometimes her brother was there as well, sometimes he wasn't. She could tell her mom was working hard to get clean and sober but she could also tell she was having a hard time of it. Months went by, winter turned into spring, and spring began to turn into summer. Three weeks before the school year ended her mom told her she was going to get her back, she'd finally found a job and a place for them to live and they just needed to file all the paperwork. Erin was so excited, she didn't care that she was going to miss the end of the school year she just wanted her mom back.

She went home and packed her bags but it took two more weeks for them to file all the paperwork. On the day her mom and case worker came to pick her up she'd already said her goodbyes. She gave Sally her new phone number and address but she didn't think she'd hear from her friend again. Her mom didn't own a car and they were moving to a rough neighbourhood, once she left this happy little suburb she didn't think she'd see it again.

Her mom's new place was an old two bedroom apartment, it needed a paint job but it had a roof, electricity, power and heat so it would do. Her room was small and had two single beds in it; the other would be for Teddy when he came to stay. Teddy was still with his dad, getting Teddy back would be harder because he wasn't quite in the system.

Her mom made their first night back together special by ordering pizza and then watching movies together. She liked sitting on the sofa cuddling up to her mom, she didn't care that they were poor, that they didn't have many things, if they were together it was okay. She tried not to think about the time when this would end, when her mom would slip again.

Halfway through summer Teddy started coming over every other weekend, it wasn't much but it helped her mom keep her shit together. If she wanted to have him any more than that she needed to demonstrate she could handle it. When Teddy was over everyone was on their best behaviour, Erin liked it when Teddy stayed because her mom always took the night off work and cooked dinner. Her cooking abilities were somewhat lacking at times but the thought was there and just being together as a family was nice.

Summer went by without a hitch, her mom worked a lot but Erin made friends with the other kids and families in their building. It was a rough area but they were in a good building and people looked out for each other. A lot of the families were like Erin's; there were other kids who'd spent time in the system, who had parents addicted to drugs and alcohol. There were families who'd been avoiding the system by the skin of their teeth for years and then there were houses which were part of the system. For the first time in her life she was surrounded by people who knew her situation, who understood what it was like.

The adults seemed to form their own support network; they shared babysitting duties so they could all hold down jobs, and worked hard to keep each other clean and sober. The kids formed their own group too, they shared stories from the system, the good, the bad, they talked tips on how to avoid the system, as bad as things could get at home, none of them wanted to go back. Never calling 911 was the number one tip, calling for help always lead to trouble.

When school went back Erin already had her tribe of friends and because her last school had been good, she found for the first time she was ahead of the kids in her class. She'd never felt smart in her life but at this school she did. She was put into extension classes, and pushed to do better.

For her ninth birthday she didn't really have a party, but her mom brought a big cake and everyone came over to sing happy birthday to her and have cake, then everyone ran off to keep playing. For thanksgiving everyone went down to the soup kitchen for a feed. It was fun being surrounded by so many people having a good time, and even better to be spending the day with her mom, the last thanksgiving she'd spent with her mom she'd been five and her mom had been drunk and it wasn't lots of fun. This one was fantastic and Christmas was just as good.

Teddy was with them for Christmas that year and her mom worked really hard to make it special. They had presents to open, not many and none from Santa but that was fine. Her mom's opinion on Santa was pretty simple; she was working hard to provide for her children, she didn't want a big fat man in a red suit taking credit for her effort. They were given board games and puzzles and some new clothes. They had a special breakfast together and then went down to the local church to listen to the Christmas service and enjoy the big Christmas feast they were putting on. It was a beautiful Christmas, maybe the best one she'd ever had, it was the first time in a long time her whole family had been together.

The school year went by and Erin's mom managed to keep herself together, she'd learnt her lesson from last time, boyfriends were messy, until everything was right she was going to stay single. She was still pushing for more time with Teddy, every other weekend wasn't nearly enough and as summer holidays began she finally got her wish, fifty fifty custody in two week blocks. The day she got the news she danced around the kitchen with Erin, the beginning of summer was good but life experience told Erin good things never last.


	10. 4th of July

**AN: Just a short update. If you're enjoying the story or have something constructive to say I'd love to hear it in the reviews.**

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A week into the summer holidays her mom lost her job. The café she'd been working in closed its doors, business wasn't doing well, if they stayed open they wouldn't have been able to pay their staff, closing when they did they could pay out their benefits, not that her mom had many benefits, she'd only been working there a year. Her mom didn't cope well with change, with the ground being pulled out from under her. Erin knew something was wrong when she came home to find her mom sitting on the sofa, her eyes red and bloodshot and a bottle of whisky by her side.

Erin screamed at her mom when she saw her like that, she yelled at her and said mean hurtful things to her. She was angry and she was scared, she didn't want to be taken away again and but she'd been through this before. Drinking was always the start of the bigger problems.

"What are you thinking!?" she yelled, "you know you can't drink, you know what happens when you drink. They won't let Teddy stay with us; they'll take me away again. You need to stop, you can't do that, I'm throwing it out."

Erin reached for the whisky bottle but her mom grabbed it first.

"No," her mom said glaring at her, "this is mine. I'm not going to let you good for nothing brat throw it away. I know what I'm doing, everything will be fine."

"No it won't," Erin said looking at her mom, she was angry and her feelings had been hurt, "you always say that and it never is. You need to stop."

"I'll stop when I'm ready," her mom said standing up; she swayed slightly and grabbed onto the chair for support. "You stay out of my business," then she walked into her bedroom and slammed the door.

Erin stood alone in the apartment for a minute before walking out and slamming the door behind her. She went to her friends place; she ate dinner with them and told her friend what was happening. Together they worked out a plan; they worked out what to do if things didn't get better. But things did get better, kind of, her mom sobered up in time for Teddy to visit, for the two weeks he was there she didn't touch the booze, they had fun as a family doing all the free stuff there was to do in the city, without a job her mom had lots of time to spend with them. On the weeks when Teddy wasn't there things got worse, drugs started showing up in the house again, booze was always present, her mom started mixing with the unsavoury people in the building. Erin's life became a rollercoaster, the weeks Teddy was there were fine but when he wasn't her mom alternated between being high and going through withdrawal. It was messy and Erin hated it, she began to resent her mother but she never stopped loving her, she never stopped wanting to be with her.

Teddy left to go back to his dad's on July 3. Erin begged her mom to stay clean and sober for her, the people in the building always threw a big 4th of July party in the park down the road, from the park they could see the fireworks and it was always good fun. She wanted her mom to be at the party with her, she said she would, she said she'd see her there and Erin ran off to play.

Hours later when it was dark, when everyone was gathering for the fireworks Erin looked for her mom but she couldn't see her.

"My mom's not here," she said to her friend.

"Sure she is," her friend said but as they both looked around they couldn't find her.

"I'm going to go home and find her," Erin said stepping away.

"Okay," her friend said smiling, "be quick though or you'll miss the fireworks."

Erin ran back to her building and up the stairs, she wasn't worried yet, more pissed off and mad.

"Mom!" she called walking into the apartment, "come down stairs you're going to miss the fireworks."

The apartment was silent, Erin was expecting her mom to yell abuse back at her but there was nothing, "Mom!" Erin called walking through the living area and into the kitchen, and there she found her passed out on the floor. "Mom," Erin said as she kicked her in the shin, "Mom, get up we're going to miss the fireworks." Her mom didn't move and Erin looked closer. Her mom's skin was pale and slightly grey, her lips were a tinge of blue, Erin bent down closer to her and listened, she was barely breathing.

"MOM!" Erin screamed at her and she shook her hard, her mother's body flopped, limp, lifeless and then Erin started to panic. Her mom was overdosing and there was no one around to help her, everyone was out at the park waiting for the fireworks, she couldn't call 911, if she did they'd call CPS and take her away again. With no other choice she grabbed her mom under the arms and began dragging her across the floor. She needed to get her to the bathroom, she needed to get cold water on her, it was the only thing she could think of to do. How she got the strength to move her mom she wasn't sure, she never would have thought she'd have the strength to move her like that, to get her across the apartment and up into the bath tub but she did. She got her mom into the bath tub and she turned the cold water onto her and then she sat there and waited, prayed that she would wake up, that she wasn't already dead. Outside she heard the fireworks start and she began to cry, she'd been looking forward to the fireworks all summer and now she was missing them and her mom was maybe dying. In that moment she hated her life, she hated her mom for not being better. And then she woke up, her mom took a massive gulp of air and opened her eyes.

Her mom looked at her, a confused look crossed her face and then she opened her mouth, "Where's my cigarettes?" she asked and Erin flipped.

"I don't fucking know," Erin yelled and she stormed out the house. Seconds ago she'd been worried, terrified that her mom was dead but now all that fear turned to anger. She wasn't sure what she was expecting when she was praying her mom would wake up, a 'thank you' maybe, an 'I'm sorry', now she knew she wasn't dying she just wanted to get away.

She arrived back at the park just in time to see the last of the fireworks. "Where is your mom?" her friend asked.

"Home," Erin replied, "I don't want to talk about it."


	11. Chapter 11

Erin didn't tell anyone about her mom's almost overdose, she didn't want anyone realising how messed up things were getting. The building looked out for each other but she didn't think they would be able to turn a blind eye to that, they'd probably make her mom go to rehab again and if that happened she just knew she'd be taken again and she wouldn't be able to see her brother anymore. Instead she took matters into her own hands, she began hiding her mom's drugs whenever she saw her leave them around, she hid the alcohol too. It slowed her mom's substance abuse down but it didn't stop it and it added strain and tension to their relationship. Screaming matches between them weren't uncommon.

"Where are my drugs you little brat," Erin's mom seethed as Erin walked into the apartment to get a glass of water.

"I don't know," Erin said not looking at her mom, she knew exactly where the drugs were, "maybe you took them all."

"I didn't take them all, I had at least three hits left," her mom replied as she pulled apart the sofa.

"Maybe you're wrong," Erin said as she took a sip of her water. She looked straight at her mom now, watched her.

"I'm not wrong, I know how much I took," her mom said as she paused a moment in her search, looked up at Erin, "you've hidden them again haven't you."

"No," Erin said but her mom didn't believe her.

"Yeah you have," her mom said standing and coming towards her, "where have you put my drugs you little brat."

"I haven't put them anywhere," Erin yelled and she began mentally bracing herself for the fight which was about to come.

"Don't lie to me," her mom yelled back, "where are they?"

"I don't know," Erin yelled, "maybe if you didn't leave them lying around you wouldn't keep losing them."

"I don't…fuck!" her mom yelled and she slammed her fist into the cupboard above Erin's head, "tell me where they are. I need them."

"You don't need them," Erin yelled back, "you need to stay clean."

"I don't need you telling me what I need. Tell me where they are."

"No!" Erin yelled trying to pull herself tall, "I don't want you taking them, I want you to stay clean. You get clean for Teddy, why can't you stay clean for me."

"Because," her mom yelled, then she paused for a moment, she was shaking all over and as mad as Erin had ever seen her, "you're a spoilt little, know it all, good for nothing brat. You don't love me; you think you're better than me!"

"Mom!" Erin screamed, her mom had never hit her but in that moment she wished she would. A punch to the face would have felt better than the knife she just felt stabbed in her heart. She loved her mom; she did all of this because she loved her mom.

"Ever since you stayed with that family you've been acting all superior but I tell you little girl. You're nothing; now tell me where the fucking drugs are!"

Erin was shaking all over, tears were running down her face, she wanted to get away, she wanted to run. "Fine," she yelled pushing past her, she went to the panty and pulled out the can of milo. "They're in there," she said throwing the can at her, "go kill yourself. I don't care anymore." Then she ran out the apartment and down the stairs, she ran out the building and along the street. She ran until she couldn't run any further, until she reached a park. There were lots of other families at the park but no one noticed her sit down by herself under a tree and start bawling her eyes out.

She stayed there for hours; as night began to fall she left the park and began wandering the streets. It had been hot all day and would be warm throughout the night. She wasn't in her neighbourhood any more, these weren't the streets she'd spent hours roaming, the houses didn't have people in them she knew. A part of her thought she should be scared but she wasn't, she was just hungry. She thought about looking through the trash for food but the idea seemed kind of gross, she wasn't that hungry, not yet. She stopped at the edge of another park and had a drink of water from a garden tap, the water tasted funny but she was too thirsty to care. When she was full she looked around, tried to work out where to go. At the far side of the park she could see a group of people standing around talking. Curiosity got the better of her and she began to creep towards them. She stayed close to the trees and she creeped along, every step she took carefully until she was close enough to hear them.

"When are we going to hit the place?" she heard one of them say.

"When we work out how to get in without getting caught," another one answered.

"The place is locked up like Fort Knox," another one said, "everything except that attic window."

"Which none of us can reach let alone fit though."

Erin gulped and she felt her heart flutter, they were talking about breaking into a place, about stealing things. She thought she should leave; this wasn't a conversation she should be over hearing. She began to step backwards but as she moved she stepped on a twig, it cracked beneath her feet and they heard her.

"Shit!" two of them swore and they scattered but the third one stayed.

"Who's there?" they asked, there was the slightest of quivers in their voice they were scared and trying very hard not to show it. A voice inside her told her she should run but a louder voice wanted to show herself, wanted to find out what they were doing.

"Just me," Erin said and she stepped out of the shadows.

The young man who'd stayed looked her up and down and started laughing. "It's just a kid," he called back to his mates. The other two slinked out from the trees and joined them in the open. Carefully Erin sized them up, they were just kids too, big kids, she thought they might have been about fifteen; there were two boys and a girl.

"How long have you been listening?" the one who seemed in charge asked.

"Not long, I heard you talk about an attic," she said, "maybe I can help."

"You?"

Erin gulped she wasn't sure why she'd said that, she didn't want to break into anything, not really, or did she. The idea of doing something bad excited her; she was always trying to be good but always being told she was bad. No one ever seemed to notice the good she did, maybe they'd notice the bad.

"I'm small, and I can climb good," she said digger herself more into it.

They looked her up and down again, then seemed to have a conversation without speaking a word.

"Okay," the in charge one said, "let's go for a ride." They pulled three old BMX bikes out of the bushes, "you ride on my pegs." It took Erin a minute to work out how to stand on the pegs, where to hold on so they didn't fall over. Then they were riding the four of them into the night.

They rode for fifteen minutes, Erin watched the houses pass, the further they went the nicer the places got. Most of them had lights on but the one they stopped in front of was completely dark. Without saying a word they jumped the fence and slipped into the backyard.

"That's the window," they told her pointing to a small round window in the side of the roof, "do you think you can reach it?"

She looked at the window and everything around; there was a big tree with a hanging branch that went kind of close to it. "I think so," she said and she walked over to the base of the tree. She pulled herself up and she began to climb. It was an easy tree to climb, there were lots of hand holds and foot holds. She got as high as she needed to be in a minute but working out how to get to the window was harder. The first branch she tried didn't feel strong enough, it sagged too much beneath her weight and she had to slide back. She could feel the adrenaline pumping through her body her heart was racing and her body was covered in sweat. She was excited though, she'd never done anything like this before and the challenge was fun. She climbed higher up the tree and picked another branch, this time when it began to sag she was ready for it, she waited until her feet were on the roof and then she let go. It was an easy crawl to the window after that. Below her the three big kids threw out quiet words of encouragement, it made her smile. She pulled the window all the way open and looked inside, the window lead to a sealed roof space, from the light of the moon she could just make out the shapes of many boxes. It was about a three foot drop to the floor, she went through the window feet first. She stirred up dust as she landed, she began to sneeze and her eyes watered. It was a dark space to be in and she was worried she wouldn't be able to find her way out but there was only one direction she could move, she followed the space between the boxes and reached the tiny door out. Still on hands and knees she pushed open the door and entered the house proper. She was standing in a girl's bedroom, for the first time that evening what she was doing hit her, she was stealing; she'd already broken and entered. She was bad, this was probably the worst thing she'd ever done, but she only felt bad about it for a moment, people with this many things don't appreciate them.

Quietly she walked through the bedroom, down the stairs and through the house to the back door. The three kids were there waiting for her with big smiles across their faces.

"Good job kid," one of them said patting her on the back, "now put these on and wipe down everything you've touched." The boy was holding out to her a pair of white latex gloves, she didn't really understand why he wanted her to do that but she did it anyway. She went back through the house and wiped the door to the roof space and the floor where she'd crawled, she wiped the window she'd crawled through and pulled it shut. The last thing she wiped was the back doorhandle then she stood there and waited for the big kids to return. They'd split up all over the house and were filling backpacks with little things, CDs, DVDs, computer games, money, jewellery. It only took them five minutes to fill their bags then they were all out the back door and riding their bikes away as fast as they could. They didn't say a word until they were well away from the house but Erin could feel the excited energy coming from all of them.

They pulled up at the back of another empty house but this one looked abandoned as opposed to just empty for now.

"That was unreal," one of the kids said as they stashed their bikes in the bushes behind the house.

"Our biggest take yet," another one said, "you did good little kid."

Erin smiled and she followed the kids into the house. Inside it was clear that no one really lived there, there was no furniture, or power, the place was hot, and had a musty smell to it. They led her to a room in the middle of the house, told her it was their room and she could spend the night if she wanted. The room had a mattress without sheets, and in one corner was a collection of clothes and some basic food. They gave her a granola bar to eat and a can of cold backed beans. That night she slept with them curled up on the mattress they all shared. Not once did they ask her to tell her story, they didn't tell her theirs but they seemed to understand each other. She went with them the next day to cash in the stuff they'd stolen, they gave her a cut and together they went and brought some food.

Sitting in the park she met them in the night before, they asked her if she wanted to do another job with them, that they could use someone with her skills and they could teach her some stuff. They could teach her how to shoplift, how to pick pocket someone, how to survive on the streets.

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**AN: If you're reading would love hear your thoughts**


	12. Chapter 12

Erin stayed with her new friends, that night they went for another ride and began looking for a new house to mark. It was exciting to doing something bad, she never thought she would do anything like this, all her life she'd been told to be good and she'd tried to be good but it never worked out. She couldn't help thinking maybe bad would work out, maybe she wasn't meant to be good, her mom wasn't good, her mom was bad news all over, maybe she was too.

They picked another house to break into, and together they worked out their plan of attack, these kids didn't like leaving things to chance, they said that's how you got caught. They let her help come up with ideas, they didn't treat her like a little kid but like an equal. She spent almost two weeks with these kids. They broke into one more house together and they began teaching her the ways of street life. They taught her how to pickpocket someone, and began teaching her how to steal watches. As the days past she began to find out little bits of information about the kids she was with. They were like her in many ways, none of them had fathers, and their mothers all battled addiction to one substance or another. Two of them were brother and sister, twins, the third the boy who took charge was on his own. They'd all met in a group home many years back, and like Erin when they'd been in foster care something bad had happened. Something so bad that the thought of going back to foster care was terrifying. They liked the streets, even when it was hard they had control of their situation.

They told her summer was easy, it was when the nights started to get cold that things got hard. In winter they'd go home, there was too much danger of freezing to death when the temperatures started falling. Home wasn't too bad they said, but the streets were better. Erin agreed, she would never have gone home if it wasn't for Teddy; she went home because she wanted to see her brother. Her mom smiled at her when she walked in the door and pretended like nothing had happened. Neither of them apologised to the other, they just went back to being the 'happy' little family they always were. The two weeks with Teddy were nice but as soon as he was gone the cycle started again. Erin went back to her new friends, her mom started drinking. That summer Erin truly learnt how to take care of herself, she learnt how to cook, how to clean, how to steal, how to survive.

Life was hard but when school went back it only got harder, Teddy stopped visiting, her mom was drunk or high, usually both almost constantly and the money finally ran out. Her mom stopped paying the rent and they were evicted from the apartment. With no family to turn to they began the nomadic life of the homeless, they moved between shelters, churches, train stations, friends' couches, and the streets.

Erin ran away regularly, but she always came back, a little part of her knew her mom needed her. The kids she'd befriend over the summer were good; they helped her out when things got really bad. Told her where to go to get help, places which wouldn't throw her back in the system. Life was hard though and she began to struggle at school, she was taken out of extension classes and it took everything she could just to keep up with the rest of the class. She worked hard at school, it wasn't easy but she didn't want to fall behind; somehow she was still maintaining at school the illusion that everything at home was fine. As November set in and the nights got colder a friend finally convinced her mom to let Erin stay with her so she could go back to rehab, her mom checked in on Erin's tenth birthday but no one remembered it was her birthday.

It wasn't until that summer that her mom was finally clean and sober enough to find a job, this time the job was at a bar which worried Erin to no end, she didn't see how her mom could stay clean and sober if she was around the stuff all day but it was better than nothing and finally meant they could afford a place to live. Her mom rented them two rooms in a large house that lots of other people lived in. It was like a big share house and it was weird, she was the only kid there, and the adults living there seemed to change constantly. She didn't like the place, the adults around her seemed creepy, like her mom's old friends, there were drugs in the house and alcohol and there was something funny going on in the basement, she didn't know what but the one time she tried to go down there she got yelled at. Her mom insisted it was better than the streets, but the only thing Erin liked about the place was the massive tree in the backyard which she could climb and hide from everyone. When Teddy came to visit that's where they played but Teddy didn't come to visit much anymore, when he did come it was always random, sometimes he'd stay for a few days, other times he'd stay for a few weeks, and sometimes she'd go months without seeing him. Her mom didn't seem to care about that so much anymore, at first Erin thought that strange then she realised her mom had found a new normal, she wasn't clean or sober but she'd managed to find functional.

The share house became there home, in as much as you could call the place a home, some of the adults there looked out for her, others completely ignored her but no one ever told her to leave, even when her mom started disappearing for days on end. Sometimes she'd ask if they knew where her mom was, other times she'd just accept that she was gone and wait for her to come back. She became good at forging her mom's signature on permission slips and there were a couple of men in the house who always seemed willing to give her money for field trips. She didn't like asking them for it but she found more often than not if she left the permission slip where they could see it they'd leave the cash for her. She wouldn't call any of the men family but she did start to feel affection for some of them. Her dad had never been around so sometimes it was nice to have these blokes be nice to her but she didn't want to rely on them for anything.

By the time she was twelve her life had settled into a strange new normal. The little street gang she'd joined at nine had grown and expanded. In winter it would shut down but come summer, when there was no longer school to worry about it thrived. As soon as the weather got warm Erin would start to run away. There was an abandoned house she would go to and meet up with the other street kids. Within those walls they'd make their plans, with years of experience she was one of their leaders. She knew what to look for and where to go and that didn't just apply to stealing but surviving as well. She knew every place in the city where you could get a free meal and she could read the weather like a farmer. Her favourite place was when she was with the kids like her but as the night time temperature dropped she'd have to go home. She'd show up after days of being absent and no one would say anything, no one would ask where she'd been. There were times when she'd wonder if they'd notice if she never came back.


	13. Chapter 13

Erin walked slowly along Navy Pier eyeing off the tourist she passed, looking for a mark. Teddy was with her and a bunch of other kids from the neighbourhood; they'd caught the bus down there that morning and were now trying to entertain themselves. A game of truth or dare had sounded like a fun thing to do, and it was fun, the dares they'd come up with at first were silly and fun, but now they'd started crossing the line into the illegal. The dare was to pick pocket someone; two of the kids had already made successful grabs, now it was her turn. She wasn't worried, she'd done this before, she knew what she was doing.

She picked her mark, a man in a business suit, she saw him stick his wallet in his pocket after buying an ice cream. She walked carefully along behind him, waiting for the right moment, when it came she made her move but just as her hand went to his pocket someone called out, the man's stride changed, he felt her hand in his pocket and the next thing she knew he had her wrist in a vice like grip, and was calling for the police.

The other kids scattered and she was left on her own, with the man gripping her wrist and an ever increasing crowd gathering around her. When the police arrived they had no choice but to cuff her and take her away. She was arrested and taken down to the police station, she had nothing to say for herself, she'd been caught red handed, she just kept her head down and her mouth shut. She didn't know what she was going to do, there was no defence to her actions, she'd been stupid and reckless and if they sent her to jail she'd deal with it. For now she had no idea what was going on, they'd taken her finger prints and her photo then left her alone in a room. She'd been sitting in there for what felt like hours waiting for something to happen.

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**AN: This is the final chapter of this story. I would love some reviews, they really make my day. If you would like to read what happens next please check out my new story Someone To Call On. There are no prizes for guessing who is about to step into Erin's life.**


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